wat bout pragnant strippers??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize