I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
