I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
