i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
