Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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