Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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