Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
