Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
