So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
