I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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