i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
