hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize