yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
