This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
