So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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