so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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