can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
