i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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