His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
