How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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