Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize