If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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