One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
