Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
