i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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