what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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