I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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