I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
