Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
