I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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