her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
