i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
