hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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