I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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