Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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