Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Less talking, more tequila
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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