But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
