Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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