Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
there is glitter all over my balls
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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