Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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