If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
