Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There r osticjed everywhere
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
