Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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