The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
