I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
