The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
