everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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