it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
