i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize