so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
