I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
