Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
