singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
