I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This house was built for laser tag.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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