You just made me feel so damn special
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
