Soap is not a condiment
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
