You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
