I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
