I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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