No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
