I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
