just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
