dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
