found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
