It was confusing and full of hummus
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
