i was rollin on her like bob the builder
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
