miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
