If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
