no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So here I am, sexting at work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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