he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
