My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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