yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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