I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
