Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize