i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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