I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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