hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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