well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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