I'm going to jail i love you
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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