you guys were way drunker than both of me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
