you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize