OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
