He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do herpes really smell.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
