We named our party play list daddy issues
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
