some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
