no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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