nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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