Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
