If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize