Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
