i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
