I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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