Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
