I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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