He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
is that a dick in a sweater?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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