If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
