You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize