dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
