I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
