The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize