I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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