dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
