he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
