I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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