On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
home. puking in laundry basket.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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