im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
